


The Maltese Duck

by TheZpart



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Noir, Crack, Detective Noir, Funny, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 04:19:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19221445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheZpart/pseuds/TheZpart
Summary: Angus McDonald, best Private Eye in the city. Mavis Roughridge, world's shortest Femme Fatale. Mookie "The Mook" Highchurch, the city's toughest merc--and in terrible danger. But not everything is as it seems.A very silly idea I couldn't not write!





	The Maltese Duck

_Of all the private detective offices in the city, she just had to walk into mine. She was built like a glass of whisky, short and strong, the kind of strong that knocks you right off your chair. I know because when she came in, she socked me in the arm, and I fell off my chair. She smiled at me like trouble; the kind of trouble I was always looking for._

_“Sorry,” she said. “You wouldn’t happen to be Angus McDonald, PI?”_

_“You seem to have me at a disadvantage, miss.”_

_“Roll twice.”_

_“Pardon?”_

_“Nothing. Name’s Mavis. It’s a pleasure.”_

_“Pleasure’s all mine, miss. Now, what can I do for you?”_

_“I’m afraid I need your help, Mr. McDonald.” She dropped into the chair beside my desk, lowered her head, sighed. It hurt to see such a fine lady in distress. “It’s my brother, see. He’s gotten himself into some trouble. His name is Mookie Highchurch—maybe you’ve heard of him?”_

_I felt the blood drain from my face. Anyone familiar with the seedier side of Neverwinter knew Mookie Highchurch, or, as he was more commonly known, The Mook. The Mook was the best merc in the city, a dangerous man by any count, but more so because he never stuck to any one gang for long. Most of the roughs and gangsters I rubbed elbows with were predictable, in their way, but not so The Mook._

_Mavis was still talking. “My brother’s gotten in too deep with someone, lost a bet he couldn’t afford to lose. Now they’ve got something on him, some kinda blackmail, and he won’t tell me what it is. He’s never kept a secret like this from me before. I need to find out what they have on him, so maybe I can help him.” She leaned across my desk and looked me straight in the eye. Her gaze was hard, but there was a vulnerability behind that iron that tugged at my heart. “I’m scared for him.”_

_Even though I knew getting mixed up with The Mook was a bad idea, I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to say no._

_“My fee is a hundred gold a day, plus expenses,” I told her._

_“I can pay.”_

_“Good, because—“_

_At that moment, my office door banged open, revealing The Mook himself. He grinned, revealing a half-dozen missing teeth, and pointed his Tommy gun at the ceiling._

 

“BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!” Mookie shrieked, waving his wooden gun. 

“Mookie!” Mavis shouted. “It’s not your turn yet!”

“But I’m BORED! I wanna play too!”

“And you’ll get to!”

Only because Merle made her promise to include him, Angus knew, but Mookie didn’t need to be told that. 

“Sorry, Angus,” Mavis said, shoving her brother out of the room. “Let’s take it from the top, I guess.”

“Okay. Just—don’t hit me next time?”

Mavis laughed. “You got it.”

Angus propped his feet back up on the board they were using as a desk, tipped the brim of his borrowed fedora over his eyes. The door swung open to reveal Mavis, one hand propped on her hip. 

 

_Of all the private detective offices in the city, she just had to walk into mine._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this weird little idea I had! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as the-z-part. Come hang out with me!


End file.
